Spectacular Immortal

Later today I’m meeting my Therapist who will tell me his final evaluation on whether or not he thinks I should be off my anti-depressants or not. It’s really hard to believe that it can come down to tomorrow, whether or not I’m ready for that. My life hasn’t been the same. Five years ago my girlfriend died because she told me to let her walk home alone cause she knew i had to get home ASAP or suffer my parent’s ridiculous curfew at the time. For a few years I let myself believe that me not being selfless about myself to drive her home was the reason she died and had i driven her home that drunk truck driver would never have veered off the road. I let myself believe that I killed her, but while I don’t believe that anymore I still blame myself  a lot and it took me a few years to even think about dating anyone else, and it’s hard anyway. Ever since then I’ve been on anti-depressant medication so I wouldn’t do something stupid of myself like suicide. I’ve also changed since then, can’t really imagine what it would be like if my Therapist gives me the go to wean off my medication. blah blah blah stressed worried freaking out for probably no reason